Lara.ng: The Last Bus Bender
Have you ever been so familiar with a road that you could guess where the bus would turn or stop with your eyes are closed?
Hey! This happens to some of us, and it’s fun when our guesses are right. It is a kind of superpower which involves channelling the internal bus bender. Word on the street is that someone who can do this has previously worked as conductors. That does not include me sha, because, how can Lara, a premium babe be a conductor? Please balance me fast, how can this be?
I know you’re probably doubting how possible is it to direct a bus with my eyes closed. I’ve managed to map the entire city to this point of mastery. Lagos is quite a big city I know, but trust me when I say that I control buses with my eyes closed.
You still don’t believe it? Okay, here’s a short story that for you Doubting Thomas, along with a few secrets on how to channel that superpower of bus bending like me.
…it started on one of those my early morning bus rides to Yaba. It’s barely 6 a.m., and I’m waiting for a Yaba bus at the bus stop. Without waiting for long, those good old danfo stops to pick up passengers but like a script they recite daily, the conductors started shouting with much aggression, “Enter with your change” he howled “I no get change oo”. You could tell that he is ready for a fight early in the morning. I don’t argue with them in this state, for situations like this I keep change in a part of my bag. Got into the danfo, the roads were still free and the driver started swerving left to right, switching between lanes like CJ from san andreas while the bus engine is sounding like a weird mix of 1964 mustang with some gunshots here and there. The danfo continued to gallop, and the wooden seat and awkward backrest were slamming into me. I could tell, today is another day of suffering. The bus was filled with smoke from the exhaust, which made me uncomfortable because it hurt my eyes. This was the point I started closing my eyes during my journey.
After series of almost similar ride experience every other day, I began to map the city with my eyes closed (loosely say my mind). I wish I could also close my ears too sometimes, because why would people discuss their private life so loudly on the bus. That’ll have to be a story for another day.
I consciously continued to close my eyes during danfo rides, mostly as a game; I’d close my eyes for a while and I would guess the next turn and a couple of stops accurately. So now you can see where the internal genius for bending the bus came from.
Try closing your eyes during your journey, however, at your own risk. If you have something valuable with you, it could be stolen, or you could miss your bus stop if you do this. At the early stage, I would say it is a good price to pay for greatness, but if you disagree, then I suppose not all of us are meant for greatness after all.
Did I just hear you say that’s not greatness. Quit being a hater just because you can’t close your eyes in a common danfo bus. A wise contemporary philosopher-cum-poet once said:
Ma lo fo bi Awo, Awa o le salo fun won, Ti won ba de ama kiwon kabo, Awa la leko Iwo ma fo.
If you understood the reference, then you are street like me.
All right. All right, I’ve got a middle ground for those of us who want and doesn’t want to channel our inner bus bender. When you consider how many years it would take to master your inner bus bender, following me is the better option. My app allows you to journey better, save the trip and access them whenever you return. This means that you can save a ton of trips, relax during the trip and have everyone thinking you’re ‘The last bus bender’ by using Lara.ng. To put it another way, it’s a good idea to follow pesin wey know road until you sabi raod yourself.
